Cleo's story: helping mum Nicky through radiotherapy
Cleo, 24, has just graduated in Paleoanthropology and lives in the North-West. She has a close relationship with her mum, Nicky, and helped care for her when she went through treatment for cervical cancer in 2022.
How and when was your loved one diagnosed?
When I was around the age of seven, my mum Nicky was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I remember in junior school her telling me she was going to lose her hair. In 2021 she was diagnosed for a second time, but with cervical cancer. We are very close, because for a long time it was just the two of us. My mum is a really active, fun and happy person and I’d say we have a lot in common.
What treatment did your mum have?
My mum had chemotherapy and a type of radiotherapy, called brachytherapy, which is an internal radiotherapy quite different from the type many people have.
What was your experience supporting your mum through radiotherapy?
I was hard, I will say that. It’s hard to watch a family member go through something so debilitating. Every day brings something different – often a different kind of pain or problem. However, it does bring you closer in a way you would never expect. It was definitely a learning experience. I learned how much people care for me and my mum, and how so many people will rally around you to help. I thought it was incredible how many people reached out and wanted to help.
Day to day I would help mum with meals. Because of the treatment some things would taste really disgusting on some days so I’d help her find things she could eat, or I’d try new things to see if she could stomach them. I tried to be really attentive and help keep her medication organised too. Later on, when she was starting to recover, I took up running to encourage her to get back to it, as it’s something she loves to do.
What helped or helps you cope with caring for a loved one with cancer?
I think having a support network of people who were there to care for me so I could care for my mum was absolutely everything. They cared for me so I could care for her.
I remember sitting down with my mum and grandparents. We sort of had this moment where we said, just because things aren’t Okay, doesn’t mean that things aren’t Okay right now. It might have seemed like everything was falling apart but we were still sat together in a warm house with a cup of tea. That was a comfort.
What did you or do you find hard?
When my mum was in pain, or feeling down, I’d find it really tough, but ten minutes later I’d feel like everything was Okay as we were watching Love Island. I found there was no point in giving myself anxieties that I didn’t need at that very second.
It was also really hard to compare what we were going through with what other people were going through. It did cause me worry when I’d hear of other people and their loved ones going through cancer and getting bad news.
How are things now?
My mum has a hip fracture from brachytherapy which is not getting better or worse. She is an athlete and loves to run. When she first came out of treatment, she couldn’t run anymore, which was a big deal, but I started running with her and now we run together and she runs around 70miles a week. Recently we did a half marathon together and last year me, my mum, and my stepdad did the Great North Run together. We go on holidays to the Lake District all the time and go hiking – basically we’re adapting!
Do you have any advice or messages for others?
You don’t have to be a super philosophical, clued-up person to go through something like this. You just have to be aware of yourself and your surroundings. The rest is all just learning the names of different medications.
You can only take things as they come and adapt from one day to the next.
Even if you feel helpless, try to understand that you are doing your best and give yourself a little bit of grace.
Not everything has to revolve around cancer. You can get support from your workplace or the groups where you go to do your hobbies.
If you know someone who is caring for a loved one with cancer, ask them how they are. They probably, like me, feel really guilty that they need support when they don’t have cancer, but carers need support networks too. You’re still dealing with this in some way.
It’s still within your orbit.
Anything else you’d like to share about this experience?
I think it’s important to keep up your hobbies and just try to make life as normal as possible. Cancer doesn’t have to be everything. It’s got so much gravity to it, but everything still goes on. Just in a different way.